Excuse me ma'am, are you aware of your GI Bleed?

With it being national nurse's week (thank you Hallmark), I feel compelled to share a nurse story. Nurses are a strange breed of people. Actually, we are just a group of educated, licensed, weirdos. We do weird things, like smell people. We smell our kids, spouse, animals, strangers, you name it....we smell it. There are a few things that if a nurse has been a nurse for any amount of time they will be able to lock onto instantaneously. Those things are C-diff, wound infections, and the big one GI BLEED. If you are a highly trained weirdo you can smell cancer. I am proud to be in that elite group so if you feel you are suffering a bout of cancer, give me a ring and I will come over and sniff ya.

Recently my beloved and our offspring took a road trip and I had to stop at Walgreens for some chapstick. While I was in the store I thought it to be a perfect opportunity to use the bathroom. As soon as I opened the door to the women's bathroom it hit me like a brick wall.....GI BLEED! So I make it to my stall all the while sniffing the air to see just HOW bad the GI bleed was. By the time I was in my stall I had determined that the lady next me may possibly be bleeding out. I did the look under the stall to see if feet were firmly planted with no sagging head between them, check....we were ok. Then I sat there thinking "I have to tell this woman she has a GI bleed. I wonder if she knows...surely she knows MY GOD a person in the next city would know". But then how do I tell this woman she has a GI bleed? I began rehearsing in my mind "um excuse me ma'am, I was sniffing the air and caught of whiff of your poo and as a nurse it is my obligation to inform you that you may very well meet Jesus tonight if you do not go to the ER immediately" ...that would terrify her. Then I thought perhaps I should just casually ask her if she had been experiencing any stomach discomfort. Um, awkward. As I sat on the toilet rehearsing, the woman washed her hands and exited the bathroom.  Oh dear God she is getting away!! I hurried and stormed out of the bathroom to find her. I paced Walgreens looking at about 10 different women. Great, which one was it? Should I just walk behind a couple of them and sniff? That may get me jail time, so scratch that idea. I know, I will go to the car and ask Donald what I should do. I made it to the car and told him the whole story and how it was imperative to get this woman help.....immediately. He looked at me like I had 10 heads, said God I love you and started down I-40. If you know of anyone who died of a massive GI bleed outside of a Walgreens....I am sorry. I tried.